Yattgepvin is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, all-powerful alligator.

Yattgepvin created the planet Saturn eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yattgepvin, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yattgepvin, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Yattgepvin's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Yattgepvin's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate doves.

2. Erect nine lead sculptures of Yattgepvin on top of important buildings.

3. Always help sick goats.

4. Never think ill of sick cats.

5. Do not make images of living things.