Farpanbestfabjigtap is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, cheerful jackal.

Farpanbestfabjigtap created the universe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Farpanbestfabjigtap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Farpanbestfabjigtap, he will throw large rocks at you.

Farpanbestfabjigtap's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Farpanbestfabjigtap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat bananas.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never feed lots of rice to aardvarks while wearing brown dresses.

4. Run away from white foxes, for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about dark energy.