Vogquartstangan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, overgenerous tapir.

Vogquartstangan created the solar system four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogquartstangan, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vogquartstangan, she will remove you from existence.

Vogquartstangan's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Vogquartstangan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about enzymes.

2. Never eat carrots.

3. Never feed bread to otters while wearing tights.

4. Never talk about gravity.

5. Never think about dwarf planets.