Quamwikcunhamflat is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, proud penguin.

Quamwikcunhamflat created an up quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quamwikcunhamflat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quamwikcunhamflat, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Quamwikcunhamflat's most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Quamwikcunhamflat's Holy Commandments

1. Otters are not to be trusted.

2. Never feed parsnips to great tits while wearing white jumpers.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Quamwikcunhamflat on top of all buildings.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near dogs while wearing green coats and balancing five nickel spheres on your face.

5. Never talk about fire.