Flowkamflab is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, cheerful manatee.

Flowkamflab created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Flowkamflab, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flowkamflab, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Flowkamflab's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Flowkamflab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect seven lead sculptures of Flowkamflab on top of important buildings.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Flowkamflab loves geese, so they must be honoured.