Vogpigmig is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, egotistical porpoise.

Vogpigmig created snails nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vogpigmig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vogpigmig, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Vogpigmig's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Vogpigmig's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vogpigmig.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. You must love Vogpigmig.