Fumgetarm is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, tiresome hyena.

Fumgetarm created an atom two years ago.

If you believe in Fumgetarm, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fumgetarm, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Fumgetarm's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Fumgetarm's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near tortoises while wearing black rings and balancing five silicon spheres on your feet.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.