Zenlibtoftigrip is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonest scorpion.

Zenlibtoftigrip created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zenlibtoftigrip, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zenlibtoftigrip, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Zenlibtoftigrip's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Zenlibtoftigrip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bats.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not sprint in public.

5. Do not stand on grass.