Pitcidyim is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, cheerful guinea pig.

Pitcidyim created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pitcidyim, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pitcidyim, he will jump up and down on your head.

Pitcidyim's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Pitcidyim's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn squirrels, for they are unholy.

2. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Pitcidyim in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.

4. Never feed lots of apples to doves while wearing mauve tights.

5. Do not dye your hair brown.