Zakwadgab is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fussy rat.

Zakwadgab created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakwadgab, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zakwadgab, he will destroy your home planet.

Zakwadgab's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Zakwadgab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick goats.

2. Never mark doors with red.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zakwadgab.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near turtles while wearing mauve jumpers and balancing four iron spheres on your arms.

5. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.