Duddutmum is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, vain hydra.

Duddutmum created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Duddutmum, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Duddutmum, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Duddutmum's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Duddutmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat beans.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never talk about squirrels.