Lapxuckkad is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, prudent tapir.

Lapxuckkad created light six million years ago.

If you believe in Lapxuckkad, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lapxuckkad, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Lapxuckkad's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Lapxuckkad's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never speak the names of galaxies aloud.

3. Do not wear white clothing.

4. Do not take Lapxuckkad's name in vain.

5. Pray towards the west.