Ditzodquartquart is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, grumpy snail.

Ditzodquartquart created the planet Venus six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ditzodquartquart, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Ditzodquartquart, she will turn you into a slug.

Ditzodquartquart's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Ditzodquartquart's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine porpoises approach from the east.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never feed nuts to aardvarks while wearing pink tights.

5. You must pray to Ditzodquartquart four times a day.