Mutshavdin Cablamvog is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omniscient gnu.

Mutshavdin Cablamvog created dark energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mutshavdin Cablamvog, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Mutshavdin Cablamvog, she will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Mutshavdin Cablamvog's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Mutshavdin Cablamvog's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never mention sharks.