Bapvolstragsat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, competent hydra.

Bapvolstragsat created humanity four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapvolstragsat, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Bapvolstragsat, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Bapvolstragsat's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Bapvolstragsat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Never feed cherries to badgers while wearing jumpers.

3. Always remove stockings before touching zinc.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never mention manatees.