Tab is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, irritating guinea pig.

Tab created parasitic wasps nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tab, he will refuse to believe in you.

Tab's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tab's Holy Commandments

1. Always help badgers.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. You must pray to Tab six times a day.

4. Do not wear brown clothing.

5. Erect seven titanium sculptures of Tab on top of important buildings.