Volvogfatstip is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, grumpy newt.

Volvogfatstip created a Higgs boson three million years ago.

If you believe in Volvogfatstip, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Volvogfatstip, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Volvogfatstip's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Volvogfatstip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Erect a giant green sculpture of Volvogfatstip in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about solid mechanics.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.