Sawtifmif is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, all-powerful fish.

Sawtifmif created dark matter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sawtifmif, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sawtifmif, he will come to you in dreams.

Sawtifmif's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Sawtifmif's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

2. Sawtifmif loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

3. You must never eat nuts.

4. Do not consume coconuts at dawn.

5. Always remove tights before touching silver.