Omtjoptetti is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, tiresome faun.

Omtjoptetti created the Small Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omtjoptetti, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Omtjoptetti, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Omtjoptetti's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Omtjoptetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

2. Do not eat lentils.

3. Omtjoptetti loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

4. Never talk about comets.

5. Never look in ponds.