Ditxucnul is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, strong hydra.

Ditxucnul created the planet Mars eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ditxucnul, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Ditxucnul, she will boil you in a big pot.

Ditxucnul's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Ditxucnul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not wear yellow clothing.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Ditxucnul.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.