Somquamhenbaggatkippomlen is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, unfair wolf.

Somquamhenbaggatkippomlen created bats four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somquamhenbaggatkippomlen, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Somquamhenbaggatkippomlen, he will torture you forever.

Somquamhenbaggatkippomlen's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Somquamhenbaggatkippomlen's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about comets.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Somquamhenbaggatkippomlen on top of all buildings.

4. Never cross forests at dawn.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.