Jonlegbig is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, staggering rat.

Jonlegbig created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Jonlegbig, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jonlegbig, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jonlegbig's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Jonlegbig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help bats in need.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Never think about electromagnetism near turtles while wearing white rings and balancing six tin spheres on your neck.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Retreat if three pigs approach from the north.