Looplegbaf Stafzendoss is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, boastful shark.

Looplegbaf Stafzendoss created the cosmos nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Looplegbaf Stafzendoss, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Looplegbaf Stafzendoss, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Looplegbaf Stafzendoss' most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Looplegbaf Stafzendoss' Holy Commandments

1. Looplegbaf Stafzendoss must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. You must pray to Looplegbaf Stafzendoss five times a day.

4. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

5. Learn three new languages a year.