Cumpopzen is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, selfish spider.

Cumpopzen created humankind six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cumpopzen, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Cumpopzen, she will try to impress you with trees.

Cumpopzen's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Cumpopzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not fashion sacred items from bone.

4. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

5. Do not chop down trees.