Quimkanvil is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, competent hamster.

Quimkanvil created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Quimkanvil, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Quimkanvil, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Quimkanvil's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Quimkanvil's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quimkanvil.

5. Hide if nine dolphins approach from the east.