Hambifhimken is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, moody cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Hambifhimken created Mount Everest eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hambifhimken, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hambifhimken, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Hambifhimken's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hambifhimken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place coconuts upon stone.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never sing in the presence of swans.

4. Never point your face toward the north during prayer.

5. Do not take Hambifhimken's name in vain.