Giltunpangnak is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unjust raven.

Giltunpangnak created the planet Mars eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Giltunpangnak, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Giltunpangnak, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Giltunpangnak's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Giltunpangnak's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four aardvarks approach from the south.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.

5. Never feed garlic to cats while wearing corsets.