Narlbabcem is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, idiotic narwhal.

Narlbabcem created Asia eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlbabcem, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Narlbabcem, he will not care.

Narlbabcem's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Narlbabcem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Narlbabcem loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

4. Never paint your head pink.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Narlbabcem.