Barnbitlarn is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, stupid rat.

Barnbitlarn created the planet Saturn six billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnbitlarn, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Barnbitlarn, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Barnbitlarn's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Barnbitlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry great tits.

2. Do not take Barnbitlarn's name in vain.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always wear blue.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.