Witfengum is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, blissful gerbil.

Witfengum created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witfengum, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Witfengum, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Witfengum's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Witfengum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill bats.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not sing in public.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Always treat ducks with great respect.