Rancuttik is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, clever squid.

Rancuttik created light five million years ago.

If you believe in Rancuttik, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Rancuttik, it will not invite you to parties.

Rancuttik's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Rancuttik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair purple.

2. Never go into red rooms.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Never feed garlic to dogs while wearing coats.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.