Sawtunwik Bemnarlbastrull is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, egotistical cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Sawtunwik Bemnarlbastrull created Asia two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sawtunwik Bemnarlbastrull, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sawtunwik Bemnarlbastrull, she will ignore you.

Sawtunwik Bemnarlbastrull's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Sawtunwik Bemnarlbastrull's Holy Commandments

1. Sawtunwik Bemnarlbastrull loves horses, so they must be respected.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics near squirrels while wearing green shorts and balancing seven gold spheres on your arms.

4. Always wear cyan.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.