Xemloopcum is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, almighty hummingbird.

Xemloopcum created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemloopcum, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Xemloopcum, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Xemloopcum's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Xemloopcum's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick grasshopers.

2. Xemloopcum loves porpoises, so they must be respected.

3. Retreat if eight snakes approach from the east.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.