Tarpidman is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unthoughtful cow.

Tarpidman created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpidman, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tarpidman, he will try to impress you with trees.

Tarpidman's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Tarpidman's Holy Commandments

1. Tarpidman must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not speak about grapes.

3. Never look at nebulae.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always stare at clouds.