Xucdinquill is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, capable crab.

Xucdinquill created Mount Everest four years ago.

If you believe in Xucdinquill, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Xucdinquill, he will turn you into a puffin.

Xucdinquill's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Xucdinquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to grasshopers while wearing orange skirts.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

3. Never think ill of sick hamsters.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never speak aloud of secrets.