Hapsasgof is a god.

He takes the form of a large, grumpy coyote.

Hapsasgof created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapsasgof, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hapsasgof, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Hapsasgof's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hapsasgof's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into gray rooms.

2. Do not trade with those who eat rice.

3. Never mention aardvarks.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.