Tinsaktagzod is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, slow pig.

Tinsaktagzod created light five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tinsaktagzod, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tinsaktagzod, it will turn you into a slug.

Tinsaktagzod's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tinsaktagzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to pigs while wearing hats.

2. Always make sure there are no geese in a building before entering it.

3. Never talk about photosynthesis.

4. Never think about quantum field theory.

5. Do not cook food in pots.