Bass is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, confident newt.

Bass created dark energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Bass, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bass, he will not care at all.

Bass' most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Bass' Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

2. Do not speak about oranges.

3. Never think about chromosomes.

4. You must love Bass.

5. Retreat if three geese approach from the west.