Gemtimpang is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, idiotic dove.

Gemtimpang created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gemtimpang, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gemtimpang, he will turn you into a tree.

Gemtimpang's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Gemtimpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross mountains at midday.

2. Moths are not to be trusted.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

5. Feed all hungry otters.