Jan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, merciful aardvark.

Jan created everything that exists eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jan, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jan, it will turn you into a hamster.

Jan's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Jan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your head.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not skip in public.

5. Never feed peanuts to frogs while wearing jumpers.