Gessfunkom is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, calm grasshopper.

Gessfunkom created parasitic wasps eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gessfunkom, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Gessfunkom, he will send minions to preach to you.

Gessfunkom's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Gessfunkom's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

3. Never think about quantum field theory near doves while wearing brown boots and balancing five gold spheres on your neck.

4. Never talk about optics near dogs while wearing violet trousers and balancing seven lead spheres on your hands.

5. Never run in holy places.