Toftarpquat is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, compassionate camel.

Toftarpquat created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Toftarpquat, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Toftarpquat, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Toftarpquat's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Toftarpquat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never think about moons.