Bassnartzig is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, duplicitous salamander.

Bassnartzig created the Sol system five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bassnartzig, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bassnartzig, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bassnartzig's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Bassnartzig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about tortoises.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

4. Do not speak about beans.

5. Never feed lots of garlic to otters while wearing white shorts.