Mapmutzen is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, temperamental wolf.

Mapmutzen created humanity six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mapmutzen, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Mapmutzen, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Mapmutzen's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Mapmutzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed carrots to nematodes while wearing red shorts.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Always help doves in need.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Do not make images of living things.