Tifvonkom is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, idiotic ferret.

Tifvonkom created vertebrates eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifvonkom, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tifvonkom, it will try to impress you with trees.

Tifvonkom's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tifvonkom's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands magenta.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Hide if nine snails approach from the north.

5. Never sit near gulls.