Vonjapmap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, merciful hyena.

Vonjapmap created a Higgs boson eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonjapmap, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Vonjapmap, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Vonjapmap's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Vonjapmap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist fate.

2. Do not hurt snakes.

3. Remain bowed during prayer.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Run away if six doves approach from the south.