Cimfotvad is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, compassionate horse.

Cimfotvad created parasitic wasps five million years ago.

If you believe in Cimfotvad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cimfotvad, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Cimfotvad's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Cimfotvad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sprint in public.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Pray towards the west.