Febvanquart is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, emotional tortoise.

Febvanquart created bats nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Febvanquart, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Febvanquart, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Febvanquart's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Febvanquart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in purple rooms.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not speak about lemons.

4. Always obey Febvanquart's priests.

5. Never feed lots of oranges to dogs while wearing indigo skirts.