Cutpanyik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omnipotent gnu.

Cutpanyik created the Sun eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cutpanyik, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Cutpanyik, he will come to you in dreams.

Cutpanyik's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Cutpanyik's Holy Commandments

1. Always help geese in need.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

3. Never write about chlorophyll.

4. You must pray to Cutpanyik five times a day.

5. Fast once a month.