Lopponbencub is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, uncaring pigeon.

Lopponbencub created silver six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopponbencub, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lopponbencub, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Lopponbencub's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Lopponbencub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. You must love Lopponbencub.

3. Never hurt seals.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Pray towards the north.